Are You Ready to Date? I found Out the Hard Way I Wasn’t

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Are You Ready to Date? I found Out the Hard Way I Wasn’t

I love you. Amazed surprised positive African American couple sitting in the cafe and being covered with a blanket while getting engaged

Are you embarrassed to talk about somethings that happened in your past? You may not be ready to date.  I found this out the hard way!

About a year ago, I ended a bad relationship with my boyfriend.  A few months later, a tall, very handsome man asked me out on a date.  I was so excited.  We had the same beliefs and feelings about Jesus. He was my age.  He was good looking, just my type of guy. He made a good living.

We had so much in common. Even down to the fact that we both liked to watch Jerry Lewis movies (I know I’m a cornball!).

We went out on two dates within a week.  On the second date, he kept pressing to talk about some of the most embarrassing, intimate stuff that happened in my marriage.  I wasn’t ready to say it. I thought to myself, “It’s only the second date”.  I wasn’t trying to hide anything, I just didn’t want to throw every bad thing that happened to me in my past at him all at one time.

As you probably guessed, the second date was a  disaster!  Not just for that reason, but it was horrible!

I asked God why that happened? I had so many other things going on at that time, I really didn’t need that “emotional kick in the stomach”.  I was so confused.  On our first date, I thought…I just met my husband. On the second date, everything exploded in my face.  It felt like someone dumped a garbage can filled with ice water on top of my head!  I cried so hard.

After about a week of really fasting and seeking the Lord for what I was suppose to learn from that awful experience, I got the answer.

I learned that, if God put us together, it won’t matter what I have to say to him, it will be okay.  And vise versa, no matter what he has to tell me, it’s going to be okay.

That took all of the worry about, what guys like in women these days and trying to figure out what the popular trends are in dating.  God just makes it really simple.  If he’s your husband, you only need to be your authentic self.

But, I still needed to put in the work to drop all of the shame and disgrace I had about what happened to me in my past.  I wasn’t ready to date.  I now realize the weights that I had been carrying was one of the major reasons why I got into another bad relationship with my ex-boyfriend that I broke up with a few months prior to this terrible date with the handsome guy.

So, I started counseling. And I went once a week for 5 months.  I wanted to go longer, but I just couldn’t afford it anymore.

I made great progress. I can now talk about the most embarrassing things that happened in my marriage and in my last relationship, that I couldn’t say before without feeling that I wanted to jump out of my skin.

God wanted to break off all of the shame I had been holding on to so that I wouldn’t bring that trash into my next relationship.  I know we’re not suppose to question God’s timing and wisdom, but I still sometimes wish He could have used another way that wasn’t so traumatic for me.  But I know that God knows best.

I needed to finish healing from the trauma in my marriage.

He is preparing me for the spiritually mature, emotionally healthy man that I want to be my husband.  I trust God.  I know my husband is being prepared for me.  I can’t wait to meet him.  But until then, I’m having fun with my friends, working on myself and building my business!

In short, I’m not going to stop living life because I’m not in a relationship right now.  Just the opposite. I’m going to have fun!



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