Would you do it? Could you do it? Buy Christmas gifts for the two kids of your ex’s new wife?
Let’s say that filing for divorce wasn’t your idea. And now your ex is remarried to a woman who has two young kids. You and your ex had three kids together before your breakup.
You don’t get along with your ex’s new wife. She can be really petty at times when you come to get your kids from your ex or he has to drop them off to you. As a matter of fact, most of the time things are really rocky between you and her. She still thinks you’re a threat.
But, whenever you see her kids (6 and 8 years old), they always come to you. They hug you. They talk to you.
You’ve told your family that you have it heavy on your heart to get her kids small Christmas gifts. Nothing that’s going to break the bank, but it’s still going to be a sacrifice because you’ll have to juggle a few things this month.
So the question is…would you bend to the pressure from your family and friends and forget about getting her kids anything? Or would you make the sacrifice and buy the presents?
It really comes down to motive.
You’re family thinks your nuts! Your mom is suspicious that you want to do this because you think that this is a way you’re going to “win” your ex back. But mom is way off track. Most of the time, you’re about 3 seconds way from wanting to break your foot off in your ex’s behind because he’s always so last minute about visiting your kids…among other things.
His new wife can be childish. She often roles her eyes as if she’s thinking – “who do you think you are?” She’s always trying to “out do you. If you get a new outfit, she’ll show up with a similar one the next time you see her. So insecure!
So, if you have so much pushing against you, why even have the thought to bless her kids? You need to be doing it for the right reasons.
If you want to get these presents because of your genuine affection for her kids, then there’s nothing wrong with getting gifts for them. Her kids are just that…kids. They don’t have a “dog in this fight”. They just see you as another role model for them to look up to. They understand that their step-dad has his own kids and they are just trying to find out where they fit into all of this.
Now, your ex’s new wife might have a problem with you doing this because she’s already thinking you have some sort of hidden agenda against her. But that’s her problem! Just as long as what you’re getting the kids is something that’s going to benefit them, like clothing or a age appropriate game they said they wanted, why not?
And you’re showing your kids that, even though you were deeply hurt by the divorce, you know that you’re giving your kids your best when you show them that you don’t hold any hard feelings against their dad or his new wife. Yes, you hurt and you’ve had to put your emotions aside because of all the time and money you lost from your divorce.
But, if it’s what’s in your heart to do it for her kids and it sets such a good example for your own kids, go for it! And even though you’re not looking for anything in return, you will be amazed how God will bless you in ways that you didn’t even imagine.