About 2/3 of all people who file for divorce in the US are women. Many of whom really struggle with feelings of regret and failure, especially if they feel like they can’t make it on their own financially or the divorce will set them back so far back money wise, it will take years to recover.
So, I’m going to tell my story as an example of grabbing hold of freedom and while leaving behind any thoughts of failure or regret.
First, Recognize Its The Way He’s Being Used
I have gone through a spiritual walk with the Lord beginning in 2010, that has drastically changed the way that I look at what motivates people around me, all the way to what’s happening in the world today. God started to show to me what it truly means when the Bible says that we don’t fight against flesh and blood.
And really what that means is that I almost always filter everything that people say and do through a lens of what’s going in the spirit realm. In other words, the way that I look at things is usually to ask, “what’s the stronghold that is ruling and reigning over this person that’s in play over a particular situation?” That’s the way I had to look at my own relationship.
I was married for 19 years. There were certain things that happened to my ex when he was young that caused deep emotional wounds. He never got any healing from those wounds. As he got older, he tried to self medicate and comfort himself by getting involved with certain “activities”, that I certainly didn’t appreciate and disrespected our marriage, in order to try to cover those wounds.
As my ex sunk deeper and deeper into these “activities”, he lost more and more control over his behavior and certain impulses started to takeover. He developed certain “appetites” that were harmful to both himself and me. It’s like having a scratch that gets infected and over time, it turns into a boil that gets bigger and bigger and unless you cut it open and drain out the infection, it could pop, enter your blood stream and kill you.
Those bad things that happened to my ex were like seeds that were planted in his life. What you feed will grow. His woundings were fed by his anger and his “activities” until they finally got big enough and strong enough to takeover his life. Those seeds that were planted in his life were spirits of anger and defilement.
They Are Responsible For Their Actions
And I’m so sorry that happened to him as a child. But as an adult, over and over again, my ex rejected the chance to get free from the trauma. To get freedom from the spiritual strongholds that were oppressing him. I even asked my ex, point blank, to break his agreement with the enemy and get help. He refused.
We can’t help what we’re exposed to when we’re children. Sometimes, the adults in our lives fail us. But there is a point where we become responsible for recognizing that we may need help and to get that help so that we can move forward and accomplish what God set us here on earth to do.
The enemy knew there was a calling on my ex’s life for him to be a pastor. But the enemy never fights fair. He’ll always try to attack us as defenseless children and wound us to the point that we can’t recover. That way, we’re so wrapped up in our anger and our mess, we miss what we’re called to do. We miss our happiness. That’s why we always need Jesus! With Him, we can always recover!
Self Preservation Doesn’t Mean Failure
For me, it came to a point where self-preservation kicked in and I felt a release from the Lord. I came to the understanding that my ex was not going to stop doing what he was doing if we stayed married. I filed for divorce.
When I was going through my divorce, God would often ask me to pray for my ex. Even though my ex is 100% responsible for his choices and his behavior, I could see the heavy assignment against him. And it no longer made me angry, it just made me sad. It’s true! Hurt people…hurt other people. I could see that this fight was not against my ex as a human being. It is a spiritual battle for his time here on earth. So, from that standpoint, it was easy for me to pray for my ex. I still pray for him on occasion when I feel Holy Spirit nudges me to do so.
But as long as my ex is still alive, I will always have hope that he’ll walk in the freedom that is his to have, if he wants to do the work to get there. I don’t fight against flesh and blood. That’s how I stay positive. That’s how I’m able to let my ex go so that God can do what He needs to do to get my ex to be the man God always intended for him to be. That wasn’t going to happen while my ex was married to me. Even though it was painful to end 19 years of marriage, I had to let my ex go.
I can’t to God’s job and He won’t do mine.
So whenever someone says something nasty to me or someone betrays me, I ask God, “ok, what’s the stronghold that You want me to pray against to change this situation around?” Now, I don’t want you to take it to the extreme and think that if someone is pointing a gun at me that I won’t run as fast as my legs will carry me. But, I think you get my point.
You will hear me say this over and over again – prayer works! I take the fight were it belongs…in the spirit realm. That alone made it possible for me to let go and move on after divorce. It’s how I’m able to draw from God and put out positive, motivating posts everyday. He gave me the strength to write this article. Even though I face fear and deal with feelings of financial insecurity and made many sacrifices, I still trust God.
My ex ALWAYS made more money than me. As a matter of fact, even though it looks like it should be easy for me to find a high paying job, my career was anything but a success.
I couldn’t find a decent job after graduation. I always felt like I was on the outside looking in on everyone else doing well. My self esteem was always in the toilet. Even as I went out on my own and tried to build a client base, I failed in my career miserably! AND I had a mountain of debt from school. I didn’t have anything to hold onto financially when I filled for divorce. But God kept me supernaturally.
I hope something that I’ve shared in this article is the “switch” you needed turned on in your life that will help you to move on from your divorce. I challenge you to take a good look at your ex, see him the way God sees him, remember that God loves him unconditionally and pray that you’re ex will be the man and father that God ordained for him to be.