What if your husband left you for another woman after almost 20 years of marriage. For most of your marriage, he didn’t work. You were the sole bread winner. Now, he’s pressuring you to pay for a “quick divorce” so he can move on with the other woman.
There are people who are in your ear saying, “if he wants the divorce so bad, let him pay for it”.
So many women find themselves in this situation where they are essentially abandoned, yet they spend years separated from a husband who will never come back, but no one is willing to pay to file for divorce.
Count the Cost of Staying Married
Maybe the real question should be, what’s the cost of staying married?
Let’s look at it from a financial perspective
Every state has different laws when it comes to divorce. If you live in a “community property” state, like Texas, you may have to “count the cost” of staying married.
For example, if you have a retirement account you’ve been paying into while you were married, then you might have to share a portion of the money you continued to pay into the account after your husband left.
So, if you were married 16 years at the time you separated, but you did not file for divorce for another 5 years, the court might account for all of the 21 years in deciding how the money should be divided between you.
Now, if those 5 years were years where the economy was doing fairly well and your retirement account grew substantially, then the cost of staying married might be that you will have to share the money you would not have had to otherwise, if you filed at the time you separated.
Just a quick cost-benefit analysis…you paying a lawyer $5,000-$7,000 to get divorced when he left is a whole lot better than you having to give him $15,000 from your retirement account 5 years later.
And if you have kids, what are the ways you might be losing out on child support for them?
Some states have “retroactive” child support, like Texas, where you can ask the court to reach back a maximum of 4 years before you filed and make your husband pay for support.
Other states, the court may be only able to go back as far as the date you filed your case. If that’s true in the state you live in and you’re getting little to no child support from him voluntarily after he walked out, you are leaving all that money on the table.
And what’s the emotional cost of not having closure? There is, or at least there should be, a value to having closure on a relationship that you know has no chance for reconciliation. No more being in limbo about getting consent for your kids so they can participate in certain school activities or have special testing done at the doctor’s office.
What about moving on for you? Being able to start a relationship with out having this long, stalemate with your husband. And what if a guy you’re crazy about is not okay with you still being married an won’t date you. Why take that chance? Why potentially miss what God may have for you because you’re standing on principle?
The bottom line is this…what price are you willing to put on your freedom and happiness? That’s a question only you can answer.
Just consider that time may not be the only thing you lose by waiting.
Disclaimer: This article is intended for informational purposes only. It is not intended to give legal advice. It is not a substitute for legal advice. If you need legal advice, please talk to an attorney in your area.