Where to Start When You’re Starting Over

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Where to Start When You’re Starting Over

winter happy girl throws up a snow

This is from a post in a public divorce support group.

A 40 year old woman with three kids is in the middle of a divorce.  She’s felt that she’s lost herself over the past 15 years and sees her soon-to-be single life as an opportunity to learn to love herself again.  She’s in counseling to deal with some emotional wounds, but doesn’t know where to start in her process of reinventing herself.

Heal Yourself

It’s so much easier to raise healthy kids when you’re a health mom.  I applaud her for starting counseling to get rid of the trauma from her marriage and childhood.  Some people dismiss the benefits of counseling.  But if you’re still carrying around all of the baggage from your past, you can’t soar high in the things that make you happy and help you reach your destiny in God.

It will also stop you from exposing any of your negative feelings about your ex around your kids.  As you work through your feelings of anger, bitterness and regret you have about your breakup with your ex, you be more aware not to say those negative things when the kids are with you.

Your children are like little sponges. They pick up on it when you have anger toward you ex, even when you don’t say it out loud.  When you’re not carrying those types of toxic thoughts around with you, your kids aren’t exposed to absorbing that bitterness from you.  Kids just want to love both parents.

Find Out Your Passion

What makes your heart beat faster?  What are you good at?  What are you curious about?  Finding the answers to these questions can uncover what you are meant to be doing for your career, to decompress and unwind and understand who you are as a person. Exploring this side of yourself can bring you to a place of discovering the authentic you.

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You learn to love yourself.  When you love yourself, you can then become open to showing your kids how to love themselves and make yourself ready to love a new person in your life.

Back to School

Once you find out what makes you happy and fuels your passions, you’ll know whether that involves you getting more education and training to do it.  Does your passion involve switching careers? Or learning  a new skill or trade?  Does it require a certification or degree you don’t have yet?  Then the next best step is to dig in and find out what it’s going to take in time and money to get there.  Keeping your self busy, studying and working toward your goals may be one of the best investments you make in yourself and for your family.

Take Your Time

Be patient with yourself! You didn’t get here over night.  It might take some time to work through the pain and find the true you.  Don’t get discouraged because it may take 2 months or 4 years to get the education and certification or degree you need to start over.

Setting the right foundation after your breakup is crucial!  It’s like trying to squeeze a fruit to make it ripe.  It doesn’t work.  The only thing you end up doing is bruising it.

You want the “fruit” from your new life to have the solid foundation it needs to thrive.  That often takes time.  So, be ready to step out on your new course of adventure and spend the time it takes to get there.





  1. Sarah Reynolds says:

    Awesome article. Thanks Laura!

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