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What’s the Rush for Adrienne Bailon?

LOS ANGELES - SEP 29: Adrienne Bailon at the Autism Speaks' La Vie En BLUE Fashion Gala at the Warner Brothers Studio on September 29, 2016 in Burbank, CA

Is this Keshia Knight Pulliam all over again?

The rock on talk show host Adrienne Bailon’s finger would make just about any woman envious.  The whirlwind romantic courtship between Adrienne and her fiancé, gospel singer, Israel Houghton, is what a lot of little girls dream of.  Adrienne and Israel are reported be getting married sometime next month. But, what’s the rush?

There Are So Many Factors Working Against Them

Why would a beautiful young woman with a successful career get married so soon when there are so many dynamics working against her relationship?

She ended her engagement to another gentleman in September of last year.  Israel announced his divorce the past February, though he doesn’t specify when he actually finalized his divorce.  According to Adrienne, the two have only been dating for 5 months before they got engaged in August.  They initially met about two years ago on the I’m In Love with A Church Girl movie set where Isreal was one of the producers.

Israel has both adult and young children.  It’s been reported that he has one adult child that was born before his marriage to his ex-wife, Meleasa. He has three children with his ex-wife and he’s allegedly legally acknowledged fathering one other five year old son with another Hispanic woman, De Vawn Moreno.  De Vawn also claims that Israel is the father of her two year old son.  So, there are six possible children that Israel has, two of them are still very young.  Israel’s attorney said that Israel is been financially supporting both of De Vawn’s children.

There’s No Fury Like A Woman Scorned…

The story just broke last week that the Texas Attorney General’s Office is suing Israel for current and back child support regarding what he may owe to De Vawn Moreno.  Being an attorney, I know that someone had to file an application with the AG’s Office in order for them to go after an alleged dad. Do you think that De Vawn is just a little upset that she’s not going to be Mrs. Houghton with the timing of this lawsuit so close to Adrienne and Israel’s wedding?

Or at the very least, she’s may believe she hasn’t gotten her fair share of child support by what she may see as lavish spending on the engagement ring, vacations, pre-wedding and wedding expenses?  Someone who may have the ability to hire a private attorney only goes to the AG on someone who is well known, only because they want it to be a very public spectacle.

Either way, it seems like De Vawn is a little pissed.

Her Own Money Problems

If that weren’t enough, this past July, a lawsuit was filed against Adrienne by her former management company alleging she owns approximately $200,000.  There haven’t been any reports saying that this case has been settled as of the time this article is being written.

Why Should Anyone Care?

By now, you might be asking, why should anyone care what’s going on in their relationship?

Example In the Public Eye for Other Young Women

The foundation of a relationship can give a somewhat accurate forecast of the likelihood that it will end in divorce. There’s almost a sense of urgency for Adrienne to get married to a man who has a whole lot going on in his personal life.  What’s the hurry? Why now?

Neither one seems to be shy about posting information about their relationship on social media.  They are public figures.  People pay attention to what they do and say, particularly young people, who are very impressionable. Not to mention that they both say they are followers of Jesus Christ.

I wouldn’t use their relationship as an example of patience, taking your time and waiting to hear from God about who you should marry.

Identity and Self-Worth

This reminds me too much of Keshia Knight Pulliam’s story.  She’s another beautiful, successful young woman who’s a public figure, that rushed into marriage with a man who allegedly had a reputation for fooling around during and after is marriage to his ex-wife, Lisa. And now, Keshia is suffering through a mean-spirited, messy divorce, all while still being pregnant with her first child.

What does this say about women of color and their self-esteem?  Are they limiting themselves only to men of color because they don’t believe that men outside of their race will want to marry them? And if you believe in the “Law of Attraction” rule, are women making it a self-fulfilling prophecy that no other man, besides a man of color, will want to commit because they believe that this is the truth about themselves?

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What example does this continue to set for younger women of color? You could argue that society views someone like Adrienne, who has beauty, youth and money working for her, as a women who should be sought after by any man. What hope does this give women who are middle aged or are approaching middle age and beyond, about their chances of getting married or remarried, if  you believe that this is as good as it can get for Adrienne?

Where does trusting God that neither Adrienne or Israel will miss who He has prepared for both of them come into play here?

This whole situation just screams, “INSECURITY“!

A Sense of Panic In the Decision to Marry

It’s such a tragedy that so many women feel that they’re pool of eligible men available to them is so limited that they have to practically run full speed down the isle because they are afraid that the opportunity will pass them by in a blink of an eye.  They look at it as if they have two options, either to risk never getting married or lower your standards in a man.  Like Keshia, Adrienne seems to be one of those women.

News reports have also surfaced that Adrienne and Israel are waiting to get married before they’re physically intimate.  Could this be a large part of why they practically have sparks coming from their feet because they’re moving so fast to get married?

Real Healing and Adjustment

There seems to be no real contemplation about what life will look like after the wedding is over. The only thing that is certain, there is an overwhelming drive to get to the alter.  So much so, that Adrienne said she made all of her wedding plans on her flight from Paris on the weekend Israel proposed.

Has there been enough time to heal from their past relationships? Adrienne ended a six year relationship where she was engaged to be married.  That’s no fly by night boyfriend.  She had committed to marrying him.  How can she be so sure so soon after that she’s making a good decision.  What has she done to heal and learn from it?

Israel has just ended a 20 year marriage with children involved.  It’s estimated that Israel is worth about $8 million dollars. You can’t tell me that he has no emotional attachment to dividing that type of money with his ex-wife, whether he stopped loving her a long time ago or not.  Texas is a community property state. I don’t know what the divorce details are, but I can’t fathom that he walked away without parting with a substantial chunk of that money.

And what about the impact of the divorce on Israel’s children?  Is it emotionally healthy for them that their father is getting married so soon after their parent’s divorce?

Since Adrienne says that they knew each other very well before they started dating, the news about De Vawn’s children shouldn’t be a surprise.  But, has Adrienne really thought about the day-to-day adjustment for her since Israel is juggling visitation with two sets of kids?  Especially since one of the mother’s is currently suing him?  How often does he get to see them with his career and travel schedule?  And how does that complicate things if they want to start their own family?

Real Transformation

We see from Brad and Angelina that money doesn’t solve everything.

There seems to be a pattern with Israel and fast courtships.  He dated his ex-wife Meleasa for approximately 4 months before he married her soon after.  Now, he’s done almost the identical thing with Adrienne 20 years later.

And, his decision making track record over the past five years hasn’t been stellar.  He started a whole new family with another woman and allegedly has two children that are three years apart.  This wasn’t some one night stand he had after a night of drinking too much.  I’m sure he whispered in De Vawn’s ear all of the things she wanted to hear and it didn’t work out with her, either, despite allegedly having children together.

Adrienne almost married “the wrong person” last year and Israel had a long-term affair during his marriage. Has either one of them done enough in counseling to really guard against repeating the same mistakes?

I don’t think you could find any licensed counselor that would look at this and say that this is healthy.

Marriage is hard enough, particularly when you’re a celebrity. And to add all of this!

I wish that celebrities would do a better job at keeping their personal lives private.  It just makes it harder for people who want to teach more traditional values to young women and asking older women to take their time concerning relationships. I hope for the best for both Adrienne and Israel and the children who are born and yet to be born.

Blessings,

Laura

2 Comments

  1. Tyi Anderson says:

    Laura, this is a awesome article that I wish every person experiencing divorce would read. The points you make are precisely correct. You have managed to capture some of the most important lessons learned after divorce.

    • Tyi, thank you so much for taking the time to share your thoughts. I’m so happy that you were blessed by it and I hope that you’re able to share it with other women who could benefit from Adrienne’s experience. 😊

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