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Beautiful dark skinned couple in love having a great time together man and woman enjoying each other young woman feeding man with dessert cake at their dating

I’m going to get right to the point.  Not all, but some men like to have things as good as they can have it.  They have no intention of ever marrying you.  That might be fine for you.  Not everyone wants to or should get married.

So, if a guy tells you that he’ll never get married, believe him.

But, what does this mean if you do eventually want to get married?

My advice is that you don’t even consider dating him at all.  But, if you do get into a relationship with him, he may be someone who will capitalize on the fact that you want to get married. Or even if you don’t want to get married, he’ll harp on the fact that you may have a fear of being alone.  Whatever thing that he thinks is your weakness, he will use as a tool to manipulate you to get the most from you.

It boils down to two very important things: money and major life decisions.

  • Money! Watch out for the guy who wants you to share your money with him as if he was your husband.  For example, don’t open a joint bank account. Don’t put your paycheck in his account.  Don’t sell your important stuff to give him something he asks for.  Don’t risk your credit for him, like co-sign on a loan or borrow against your retirement account for him.  It’s fine to give each other gifts on special occasions and even “just because”, but it shouldn’t be a major purchase or involve a long-term commitment.
  • Major Life Decisions.  You see this the most when it comes to making decisions about your career opportunities.  Your boyfriend shouldn’t be asking you to forego job opportunities for him.  You are the only one who should make decisions about your career.  If he’s asking you not to move out of state to take that higher paying job, it’s only your opinion that matters, not his.  After all, six months from now when he so easily leaves you for another woman, you won’t think his opinion matters then.  The point is, you don’t have the security of being married, so he doesn’t get the right to direct important, life changing decisions.  If he wants that right, he needs to put a ring on your finger.

We live in a materialistic society.  Some men (and women) measure how much you love them by how much of your financial future you are willing to risk for them.  It’s classic manipulation, “If you really loved me, you’d sign for my apartment.”  “If you cared about me, you’d help me out with a down payment for a new car.” ” You know I’m under the gun for this child support, can’t you help me get caught up.”   The list goes on and on.

The hook for him is, if you really cared about him and loved him, you’d do these things for him without batting an eye.  The truth is that if he really loved you, he wouldn’t ask.

I know of a woman who is an attorney.  She met another attorney at the grocery store.  He had this great business idea.  He said that had so many people that had taken advantage of him in the past, including his ex-wife, that he just needed someone who he could work with to get his business off the ground.  He just needed someone who believed in him that he could trust.

So, the woman put off working on starting her business to work for free in her boyfriend’s business.  She helped him just about everyday to make phone calls to set up his business.  She acted as his administrative assistant in getting his records straight.  She even helped him sort out his horrible tax situation with the IRS, that took two months, working several hours a day, to sort out.  She even invested money into his business idea.

This woman was pretty deep into it before she realized that he had a great business idea, but didn’t have what it takes to get it off the round, much less run it.

Her boyfriend was so bound up in bitterness and hatred, especially toward his ex-wife, who he hadn’t seen in 18 years, that he couldn’t think straight.  He kept blaming her for his problems.  He always said that his past clients were so crooked and he hated his clients.  He was always speaking negativity, unbelief and hate over his clients.  No wonder those were the only clients he had ever attracted to his business.

She tried to help him for another few months to see if she could get any her money back, but 9 months into this mess, she cut her losses and broke off the relationship.

That woman was me.

I’m sharing my story so that you won’t allow this to be you.  If he’s asking you to be his hero, he’s asking you to act like a wife.  Don’t get sucked into it.  Don’t allow your heart to get entangled in his mess. Don’t pass up career advancement for a guy who isn’t  your husband.

It’s not selfish to act in your own best interest.  Nine times out of ten, that’s exactly what he’s going to do in a heart beat.  He’ll bleed you dry and leave you like yesterday’s news.

And, what’s the incentive for him to marry you when he already has all the benefits without having to make the commitment to you?  If he truly loves you and has your best interest at heart, he’ll always be looking for ways to be a financial covering for you.  He’ll be the one who will be cheering you on when you get that great job offer. He won’t be the one always taking and not giving.

Be careful.  Recognize what love really looks like.  The bottom line is, protect yourself, value yourself, love yourself enough to standup and say, I won’t let you take advantage of me.

Blessings,

Laura

 

 

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