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Happy young African-American woman standing with her arms crossed

The enemy never fights fair!  He usually comes to harm you physically and/or emotionally when you’re a defenseless child.  He wants to plant seeds of hatred, fear and bitterness, so you’ll spend the rest of your life wading through the think mirky sewage he lays a trap for us to live our lives in.

Distorted View

When I was a teenager, I would always say that, “I’d never get married! Why would I want to mess my life up? The world is so screwed up, marriage can’t exist the way God intended.”  Thank goodness I lived to renounce those “Bitter Root Judgments” against marriage and against God.

Little did I realize back then that my distorted of view would lead me to choosing the wrong person to marry and spend my entire adult life coming to a true understanding of what marriage is suppose to be from a heavenly perspective.

How did my view of relationships and marriage get so perverted?  My story is common for so many young girls, (and now more frequently true for boys), who were sexually violated in some way, whether it was molestation, exposure to graphic sexual images (that are usually tied to violence), rape or a combination of all of these crimes against children.  The enemy plants seeds of ideas that men can’t be trusted, your body is just an object and there’s no such thing as nurturing love that allows you to be free to be who you truly are. Sex is not intimate and your body is just to be used by someone who is more powerful than you are.

Assignment Against Me

What happened to me was text book.  My parents divorced when I was very young. When dad’s leave, you remove protection and provision.  That doesn’t mean dads don’t pay their child. A lot of dad’s do.  But, you’re never in the same financial position you were before the divorce because now dad’s have to support two households, their ex’s home and their own.

When protection and provision walk out the door, children, especially little girls, are left vulnerable to sexual abuse.  According to the Center for Disease Control (CDC), 1 out of 4 girls (and 1 out of 6 boys) will be victims of sexual abuse before the age of 18.¹  The perpetrators are usually people who know your family and can get access to you.  It’s estimated that 60% of people who sexually abuse children are family friends, babysitters, childcare providers and neighbors.²  They know that dad is gone.

There are always assignments for us and against us.  Some people come into agreement for assignments that are against us. We all have free will.  I had an adult in my life that accepted an assignment against me and I was wounded emotionally and physically because of it.  It caused me to see myself as less than the fearfully and wonderfully make young woman that I was growing up to be.

That lead to me to have a distorted view of marriage.  When I was 25 years old, I chose a person who didn’t have my best interest at heart to be my husband.  I accepted less than God’s best for me.  I spent the next few years realizing that, the reason why everything was so messed up in my life was because I wasn’t suppose to be born, was a BIG lie from the pit of hell.

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Understanding from Above

Then I spent the next 20 years coming to a right understanding of my identity in Christ, what marriage is and that it will never be overcome by the pull of the world, and what true forgiveness really means for me and the people in my life that hurt me, especially my ex.  Marriage is a sacred blood covenant that is a type and shadow of the church being the bride of Christ.

It wasn’t until I moved to Texas that I began to understand the nature and character of God. That I had always saw Him as a powerless, effeminate task master who was always waiting for me to mess up so that He could “jump on my head” and punish me.

True Meaning of Forgiveness

Now I know Him as a loving, good, good Papa who has given me His all.  His only begotten Son.  I’m one if the King’s kids.  I have benefits.  I have spiritual gifts and spiritual weapons at my disposal.  I have mighty waring angels that respond to the sound of my voice.  In the very core of who I am, there is GREATNESS!

Through my Heavenly Papa, I have the power to forgive.  My definition of forgiveness is giving up the right to feel offended about what happened or what was said to me and not revisit it again in my mind.  But to cast it to the foot of the Cross. And every time it tries to come back again, I capture every thought of it and say out loud that they are forgiven and that what happened will NOT take up any space in my brain.  IT WORKS!! I thought of it less and less until I didn’t think of it at all!

I can close my eyes and see the few people that have caused deep emotional wounds in my life and sincerely speak a blessing over them, asking God to forgive them, heal them so they won’t hurt anyone else like they did me and pray that I will see them in heaven when I get there.

Heavenly Perspective

I see the bad things that happened to me for what they were. I see them from God’s perspective.  They were assignments against me.  I have the power to forgive and let go.  It’s my key to freedom, not a rubber stamp that says what they did or said was okay.

God says that vengeance belongs to Him. (Deuteronomy 32:35 and Romans 12:19) And I’ve lived long enough to know that I don’t have to do anything to people, but they tie the knot to the rope that they’ll hang from all on their own.

I’m not wishing anything bad to happen to anyone. I’ve just learned to duck when the lightening bolt comes down.

On the flip side, there are assignments for me.  God made plans to prosper me, to give me a hope and a future well before the foundation of the world. (Jeremiah 29:11) I’m determined to keep my words in agreement with heaven and what God says about me.  I will continue to pray into all of the prophetic words given to me and dreams I’ve had about my destiny.

I know that I will get remarried. My husband will love me for just for who I am, my personality, the way I laugh, the very core of me.  He will love every inch of my body.  He will be spiritually mature and emotionally healthy.  He will think up ways to romance me before and after we’re married.  He will be generous to me to a fault.  He will be all these things and more! And I will honor him as my KING, the head of our household and care for him like no one else can.

No more can the enemy steal from me!  I know who I am. I believe that all the desires of my heart will come to pass for me.  And they will for you, too!

Click here for a related article: 3 Ways to Escape Bitterness After Your Divorce



¹ “Child Sexual Abuse: What Parents Should Know,” American Psychological Association. ( (February 19, 2014)

² “Raising Awareness of Sexual Abuse, Facts and Statistics”, Office of Sex Offender Sentencing, Monitoring, Apprehending, Registering and Tracking, United States Department of Justice. ( (August 7, 2016).

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