Some people may read this article and think that I’m out to vilify all black men. Nothing could be further from the truth. This is from my perspective, as a black woman and a lawyer, who practiced family law for 13 years and gained insight on the many reasons why people get divorced. This is what I have observed from black men who hold a core belief that black women are bad by nature and are out to get them in some way.
One more time, just to be clear, I am NOT saying that all black men hold this judgment of black women.
It’s a prevalent problem in the black community for divorced black women who are really effected by this phenomenon and I don’t know of this really being discussed very much at all on social media or anywhere else, for that matter. So, I’ll try to do it in a way that is honest and fair to both sides.
For guys who hold this belief, if you are a black woman, you have a bull’s eye right in the center of your forehead. And it doesn’t matter if you are a highly educated professional or a member of a support staff, or someone who works in janitorial services. At least once in your lifetime, you are likely to come across a man who says that they’ve “taken a bloody beating” by being in a relationship with a black woman. And to be fair, some of them really have. But if you do run across one, turn and run as fast as your legs can carry you in the opposite direction! It’s not likely that nothing good’s coming out of this. Look at where you’re starting off!
There are black men out there who have had bad experiences with dating or marrying black women, who are looking for someone to PAY for the pain and financial loss they’ve gone through. They may not realize it. They may not intend to. But that’s what ends up happening.
A man told a woman that she looked just like his ex-fiancee who cheated on him and left him to marry another man. I know! That was a hint and a half for her to leave the room right then and there!
Another man told a woman that his ex-wife was open and notorious about having affairs on him with several of her co-workers, along with other known members of their community and plotted against him to ruin his business that was about to pay out 9 million dollars before she threw in a wrench and screwed up everything. They were married for 5 years and they didn’t have any children, so he hasn’t seen or heard from his ex in 18 years when they were divorced! He talks about it like it happened yesterday. This man is now having serious pain in his gut he can’t explain and is scared to go to the doctor to get checked.
There was a man who was highly esteemed in his community, made a good living and for the woman he was talking to, he was just her type of guy, but said that he’s sworn off sistas because his marriage and divorce took such an emotional and financial toll on him. I actually believe that being in a miserable marriage for so long is a major reason this man is dealing with a real, physical chronic disease. I’m not saying that it’s the only reason, but I believe it a strong reason. Of course, I don’t have any proof of this whatsoever and I’m in NO way, shape or form, a medical doctor. It’s just my personal belief.
In each of the scenarios above, the men ultimately either treated the woman they were trying to pursue with disrespectful, if not all out plain meanness and contempt. Who wants that when you’re trying to recover and reinvent yourself after divorce?!
If these men are not actively seeking to get healed from their trauma, then it’s been my experience that they are likely to act out against the closest available black woman, which is likely to be YOU. All I’m saying is, don’t fall into the trap of becoming their “whipping girl”! Even if he’s super fine, makes a great living and believes in the Lord. Even if he’s serving God in some capacity, it doesn’t make them immune to acting on their resentment for, or in some cases, even hatred of black women.
I’ll leave it here until next week. Look for Part 2 of this article that will be posted this coming Monday. And if you’re a black man reading this blog, in all fairness, I’ll be touching on what I’ve seen as valid reasons why you have a big bone to pick with black women in Part 2 next week.
In His love and care,